After a heavy night of drinking and a hangover that rivals the pain of a bowling ball to the forehead, I have decided (last week) to embrace chastity, poverty and obedience.

In fact, I plan on embarking of the self-sacrificing journey to becoming a proper nun:

• I will convert to Catholicism (with my fingers and toes crossed).
• I will not get married, but possibly divorced.
• I will use my college degree in fine arts (aka. finger painting) to move me to the front pew with all of the real smart sisters…so when Pope XXXXXXXXXXVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII visits, I’ll score VIP seating by the candles and first dibs on the bread thingies (my Catholic friends now inform me these wafers represent the “body of Christ”…but, it’s so small???).
• I will find an order, or a religious community, that suits my beliefs and personality so that
• I can bring to said “community” (a.ka. bars) the word of God’s love with a comped bar tab…because what sane person would charge Sister Lichtenstein for a Jaeger-Bomb?!
• I will look for an order whose work interests me—winemaking.
• I will move into the Convent (only for a year or two) to save money on rent.
• I will go through the novitiate, or training period, which may last another year or two; spending my time studying, praying, watching reality TV, unshaven, and then decide whether to become a nun or just a couch potato in a moo-moo.
• I will take temporary vows of poverty, celibacy and obedience (just for the first day so I am well-received by the others).
• And, eventually I plan to take my final vows and save a holy ass-load in bills and never get yelled at or damned to hell by an angry driver.

ON TAP:
Tonight is Wednesday Night Drinking Club's 5th Anniversary at Park Tavern! Ok…maybe I’ll revisit this whole living sans sin thing after a few celebratory (not celibate) drinks.

Kim