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The Meathead Perspective
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8/17/2004
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Here are a few things I have gotten away with at work-
- Calling my boss a fuckwad in a meeting. In the nicest possible way, of course.
- While a group of five or so people were having a heated discussion about appropriate dress and behavior, I sprinted past them, yelling inappropriately, with no shirt on. Yes, in the office. If you ever want to get a feeling of velocity, sprint through forty rows of cubicles. If you want to make sure others share your glee, do it sans shirt.
- Pretending to urinate in a cup while standing in my cube as folks toured the office. It's very convincing if done correctly.
- Making sobbing/screaming noises from inside the bathroom stall while grown men were trying to pee.
- Pushing the elevator button, farting into it when it arrives, and sending it on its way. With a prize inside.
Here are a few things I plan on doing as the dementia progresses-
- Introducing a high quality multi-media presentation (designed and produced by me) to the CEO, CTO, and all VP's about our company, but doing all of the sound effects with my mouth (very poorly). This one is coming in the next couple of weeks or so. Don't tell anyone.
- Buying a pair of adult sized grranimals or underoos and dropping trou all the way to my ankles while standing at the urinal, shirt tucked neatly under my chin. (It will be a while before I am sufficiently insane to pull this one off).
- Bursting into tears the next time someone doesn't like a concept. I've actually done this before, but not in an effort to be funny.
In other news, Rick James died, bitch. So did that one old lady who cooked and had the shaky voice. Not your grandmother, the famous one.
I saw on t.v. that some scientists speculate that there could be as many as 20 Woolly Mammoths still surviving in the world.
I sure hope so, because they look delicious.
I was talking to a waitress the other night and she asked me to tell her something only a few people know about me. I told her I was a nudist.
"why do you have clothes on?" she asked.
"I'm streaking." I replied.
This guy from the AJC called to interview me for an article he is writing. We talked about me somehow falling into a paying writing gig after starting an online diary and he said the article would be in Saturday's paper. Of course I told everyone to look for it, so when it wasn't there they all thought I was a liar. My dad says I owe him 50 cents. It finally came out in the Aug. 17 paper. I'd say go read it, but it amounts to about four sentences (most of the article was written about much more interesting people, and rightfully so), and they got the URL for my site wrong. They also put it in the "metro" section, even though I made it very clear that I was only metro-curious. Of all the honorable places I'd like to see that article, my mom's refrigerator still does and always will top the list.
Next week you'll probably have to cry into your hands, as I will be on vacation in Utah and probably won't update this thing. Of course, I'm going out there to hang with my sister's family, and my niece and nephew and I have big plans to draw pictures and play with the dog. I'm also going flyfishing with my friend Russ, and one of us usually does something funny/illegal/dangerous when we get together, so I might have some of the best material ever.
Even better than what you just read? Hey, anything's possible.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 8:54 AM |
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11 Comments:
Have fun in Utah. If that's even possible.
We'll miss you next week. Have fun.
Ah, well. At least he got mine right. ;-)
Raoul
http://thisissucky.diaryland.com/index.html
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