Taken from an article on foxnews.com
A Tennessee trio's weekend excursion turned into a harrowing 60-hour road trip when the driver got lost.
Floyd Edwards, 78, Ruth Stancil, 62, and Edwards' son, Clifford, left Erwin, Tenn., at around 11 a.m. Saturday, reports the Press of Johnson City, Tenn.
The three planned to drive the elder Edwards' Nissan Maxima about 50 miles south down U.S. Route 19 to Asheville, N.C.
They "routinely cash their government checks the first of every month and drive over to Asheville, Elizabethton, Weaverville [N.C.] or Mars Hill [N.C.] to shop and eat," explained Unicoi County Sheriff’s Department administrative assistant William "Brushy" Lewis.
Super great awesome, guys. I won't get into the fact that I am giving part of my income to a group of people who can remain lost for two days on a shopping trip. Make sure we get the Sheriff's assistant's nickname "Brushy" in there. What do you want to bet he's got crazy hair, so his really funny kinfolk started calling him "Brushy" because it was not what he was and therefore hilarious? His brother Scooter was born with no legs.
Sometimes I lie about where I'm from...
Instead, the wayward trio headed north into Virginia, then got on Interstate 81and drove hundreds of miles south to end up in Marietta, Ga., just outside Atlanta.
Okay, so I'm going to give Floyd and Ruth a mulligan for being sort of oldish and possibly prone to bouts of lostness, but Floyd's son was there (presumably to keep Floyd and Ruth from stopping at rest areas and having old people sex in the bathrooms), and it would seem that he would become aware at some point that they had been driving for a long time. Maybe toward the end of the first day he could have said "Hey, you know, I don't remember filling up the car nine times on the way to the yarn store last month."
The trio apparently made it to Abingdon, Va., about 50 or 60 miles north of Erwin on Route 19, where they stopped at a Shoney's restaurant.
Realizing they weren't where they were supposed to be, they turned around but got on the interstate instead of the U.S. route.
Harris said Edwards may have gotten wrong directions, then became confused and afraid to stop.
When I get lost, just about the only thing I want to do is stop. Of course, I have been through some parts of the deep south that made me afraid to open my eyes, so I can sort of understand this part of the story.
Stancil described the panic as the three drove through metropolitan Atlanta late on Saturday night.
"I knew I couldn’t take much more ... the blowing of horns and the cars racing by," she told the newspaper. "Floyd [who was driving] was doing the best he could."
I can fully understand the panic that one feels driving through Atlanta at any hour, and I'm not even lost when I go through. The 75/85 connector can be described as a sixteen lane gauntlet of mechanized horror. For once, I'm not exaggerating.
They were apparently stopped twice by Georgia police, but continued heading south anyway.
Maybe a dumb question, but who forgot to ask directions when the cop was standing at the window? "Well, Floyd, I say we ignore the officer and keep headin' south until our hats float, and then we'll know for sure we need to turn around."
The car stopped at a gas station, where Floyd Edwards fell and hit his head, prompting the attendant to call 911.
At this point, cynical comedy writer Dusty Scott felt like an ass for poking fun at the wacky trio in what appears to be the worst day ever experienced by any human anywhere.
"At 3:30 Sunday morning, we got a call from the Marietta, Ga., Fire Department saying the three had been found," said Harris.
Relatives and two sheriff's investigators drove down to Atlanta, and the three were back in Erwin at about 4:30 p.m. Monday afternoon- 2½ days after they'd left.
I just invented a new rule for all drivers' exams- if you can start driving somewhere that you think is about an hour away and remain lost for two more days, you don't get to drive anymore.
"I just want to thank the Lord above, because without his help, we may never have made it home," Stancil said Tuesday afternoon. "I can't thank him enough and of course all the neighbors and the sheriff's [department] for their help. It's just really good to be back home."
So much for my "God is my Co-pilot" license plate frame. Apparently he doesn't know where the hell he's going, either.
Asked if she would head back to Asheville again, Stancil replied, "Probably not any time soon ... maybe never."
If you do, Ruth, give me a call. I'd be happy to drive.
 Dusty
RELATED LINK: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,132176,00.html
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16 Comments:
I've been enjoying your columns since "pork tornado" (the album covers alone made me cry with laughter, by the way). How horrified was I to see this column, as I grew up in Erwin and luckily found my way to DC, where I have lived for the past 10 years (only get lost every now and then, haha). I definitely need to start lying about where I'm from: not only do people from Erwin have trouble making out of their trailers and navigating in the big bad world, but have the illustrious history of having hung an elephant in the 20's---yes, an elephant. There's a column for you!! Sigh. I'm claiming Knoxville from now on!!!!
Please poke more fun at Alabama, Mississippi, and other places where brothers marry their sisters---Ewrin has enough problems. LOL
signed
Glad to be out of the stix
If you check the map on Mapquest or Rand McNally you will see he had to drive through downtown LA. Through the San Fernando Valley, over mountains and through 1/2 of the San Joaquin Valley, before he realized he should have packed a lunch for the trip to the grocery store.
Fortunately, the people at MacDonalds realized there could be something amiss here and called the police. Sad, funny and true.
-Petrouchka (http://petrouchka.diary-x.com)
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