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Who's yer Mayor?
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9/29/2004
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There are two places to live in Georgia. In Atlanta, and not in Atlanta. Not in Atlanta scares me for the most part, but not in an "I'm better than they are" way that non-Atlantians might assume. More in a "It will take me four hours to get to work and nine to go to the grocery store" kind of way. I like the energy of the city. The noise, the excitement, and for the most part, the convenience. That is why I want to be Mayor.
"What the hell do you know about being a politician, Dusty?"
So glad you asked. See, I know nothing about it. That is why I'd be so awesome at it. The idea of allocating $30,000 to a part-time employee so he can decorate his office would never even occur to me because it is completely ridiculous. I have no idea how corrupt one could be in this position, so I would probably go about my day fixing the stuff that is wrong with the city instead of looking for ways to waste huge amounts of money.
"What kind of stuff would you fix, future Mayor?"
To start with, the no alcohol sales on Sunday law would be repealed before you could say, "Damn, he looks good in that sash". I figure I could win on that idea alone. That law needs to go away because, well, it isn't 1922 anymore and it didn't even make sense then. No one has ever posed a logical argument in favor of this law, and no one ever will. There is still a law on the books in this state that says it is illegal to pilot a motorcar without a person walking at least fifty paces ahead of you waving a flag to warn people on horses so the animals don't get spooked. That one actually makes more sense in today's society than the no beer on Sunday law. Because horses still exist and prohibition does not.
If the dry Sunday law looks like it will pass a re-vote, I'm attaching a rider to the bill that would require all billboards be written in Braille. I mean as long as we are making horrible ideas into laws, let's raise the bar.
A portion of the taxes collected by the Sunday sale of alcohol would go toward bringing back the Driver's license centers in grocery stores. I wanted to call the conjunction of the two plans the "Drink to Drive" bill, but have been advised to re-word that one. Helping people avoid the DMV would reduce the incidence of violent crime in the city. Particularly violence against government employees.
The third part of my platform would be to mandate recurrent drivers testing for people over the age of 65. Call me ageist, but it would make the roads safer if people would re-test every four years after a certain age. I saw a guy stop in the number two lane on the connector so he could put the straw in his drink. I hope he lived, but that sort of stuff wouldn't fly at a license test. At least not without a guy waving a flag fifty paces ahead.
So vote for me whenever the next Mayoral election is. Kim Lichtenstein doesn't know it yet, but she's running on the same ticket for director of public affairs. She'll be a great ambassador for the city. Look for the Dusty-Lick ticket.
Gotta' run. There are babies to kiss and hands to glad.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 9:01 AM |
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19 Comments:
If a murderous dictator is traveling at 95 MPH on a Train headed south, how many sanctions will it take to convince him not to violate the terms of a peace agreement before the UN decides to leave well enough alone?
Dusty, I still think you need a parade of "Scott" brand tissues. That will save you a 'few bob' on paper costs. Just have someone pick them up after the parade.
Go for it....nothing ventured, nothing gained. It does cost a few dollars to make it happen, but you could find backers of one party or another and take home the gold.
(Chanting) Sal-Tsu, Sal-Tsu, Sal-Tsu etc etc etc.
Pork-o-Phyle
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