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The right job for a tool.
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10/5/2004
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Eight inches of knobby rubber and plastic on a sleek, ergonomic shaft, crisscross action, rubber stimulation prongs, and a vibrating head.
Yep, I'm sure loving my new toothbrush.
I even bought dental floss called "glide" to complete the package.
Next time you buy one, take some time to read the descriptions on the packages. The toothbrushes you get at the dentist are purely the no-frills brushes. The $4.00 kind you buy at the store have more features than some cars and are clearly marketed as sex toys. On a related note, they are huge. I feel like I am brushing my teeth with a shoe on a stick, and I have to stand in the shower because of all of the runoff.
And when you wake up hung over after having capped the night off with a fistful of garlic-stuffed olives and a cigarette, stop for a minute and think about how much it would suck to die and be reincarnated as a toothbrush. After some consideration, I figured I'd rather be toilet paper. At least then you'd only get used once.
I decided to clean my house this weekend. Not just do the dishes and wash clothes (which constitues cleaning in the mind of a single guy), but scrub the shower, seal tile, clean the stove and sinks...you know, actually make the place clean.
In order to maintain a macho facade in the process, I used some pretty serious hardware to get it done. I bought a few new buffing heads for my random-orbital car buffer, a filter for my wet-dry vac, and a tool belt just for appearances. It never hurts to have a hammer dangling from your belt.
There is some kind of special sauce you have to use on flat ceramic cooktops. It cleans them and leaves a protective coating to keep stuff from sticking. I'm sure it's lots of fun to put on rubber gloves and scrub the cooktop with a sponge for thirty minutes, but a 1.5 HP orbital buffer gets the job done in about 9 seconds. The rest of the time can be spent wiping the excess sauce off of random surfaces around the kitchen. Don't ask how I know this, but safety goggles are a good call too.
The orbital buffer can also be used to shine up your countertops and bathtub, but I'd keep it away from the toilet. Stick to conventional methods there.
I always vacuum last, because some of the side projects with which I become distracted while cleaning (like re-wiring the entire house) do create some fallout. I have a standard vacuum with a spinny brush head and convenient handle, and it sits in my storage unit because it does not actually pick up dirt as much as it just kicks it around. My answer is a 5 HP wet/dry contraption that sounds like an F-16. You pretty much just turn it on and stand in the middle of the room and everything that isn't nailed down ends up in the canister. Be sure your cat is well fed and watered before using this vaccuum, because she will hide somewhere and you won't see her for several days.
So now the place is pretty clean. I still need to clean the front of my refrigerator, but Home Depot isn't getting their sandblasting wands in until friday.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 7:10 AM |
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7 Comments:
~GoingLoopy
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