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Bigger and Kick Asser Than Ever.
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12/28/2004
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Dear everyone,
Merry Christmas or happy fucking whatever for the heathens out there. It has been one hell of a year for me and mine. Well, it has for me anyway, since the immediate "mine" consists of a chameleon and a cat, neither of whom do much except eat, sleep, and leave turds around the house. So I guess it was as good as any for them.
What has made my year so amazingly awesome? Well, I have been single for the entirety of it, save the dying throes of a year long fling in January. Oh, and one lapse of judgement in September/October. I had no way of knowing she was engaged, but her fiancee calling me one night to yell at me was an excellent indicator. He actually turned out to be a really cool guy after I convinced him that I was not the one to be angry with; in fact, I felt worse for him than I did for myself. All I had lost was another pathological liar. He had actual time and money wrapped up in her. Anyway, lesson learned- If you think your girlfriend is being shady and banging around on you, she is. Only took me about twelve girlfriends to learn that, but I have it now. At least until next time.
I also seem to be falling into some kind of bizarro career that pays me to do stuff I would do for free anyway. I get to klackety klack away at this here keyboard and come up with stupid sayings and laugh my ass off, draw pictures, fly airplanes, and be around smart people. If someone decides to pay me to drink beer, I'd probably explode into a supernova of pure awesome. I'm really good at drinking beer, just in case anyone is toying with the idea...
Basically, if I had the opportunity to custom create a life for myself, it would be exactly what it is now. I have spent the entire year in a constant state of "Holy crap. This is unbelievable. Are you serious?" So mad props to Jesus, Santa, Grandma, or whoever is watching out for me. You're doing a bang up job.
A question I ask almost everyone I meet is "What would you consider the best year(s) of your life?" The answer I look for (but have never gotten) is my own- "This year, but that's only because I haven't seen next year yet." I have become annoyingly optimistic in my old age. When I was in high school one of my friend's moms told us that these were the best years of our lives. I have never so seriously considered suicide as I did on that day. I remember thinking "I am surrounded by rednecks and punks who have no plans beyond lunchtime, and you're telling me it is all downhill from here? Jeezus." Lucky for me, it has only gotten better since then. A lot more work, but that's part of the fun.
So now I turn that question inward and ask myself what I am going to do next year to make it even better than this year. Were I an outside the box thinker, I'd say something like breed a species of bird that has money for feathers and moults several times a day, or invent a drug that temporarily eliminates a man's sex drive so we can get stuff done between the ages of 18 and 50.
Actually, I don't really have a plan. I never did. I asked a friend of mine who probably wishes to remain nameless what she thought I should do next. She mentioned that she was a big believer in "unintentional consequences", which stuck with me for some reason. Whatever is clicking along now is doing so under its own power. I just sort of aim it. So I'll continue to follow my instincts and hope that Spiderman or my muse or whatever it is keeps doing its job. I do know that there will be pretty big changes to the format of this column as well as the Pork Tornado stuff, but I'll keep that a surprise for now, since I don't even know the details yet.
This has all been my long-winded and meandering way to say thank you to everyone who has been reading this column and the other drivel I produce. It feels good to know that I am making so many people laugh and occasionally pissing them off. I only hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Stay tuned, for there is much more to come. Bigger and kick asser than ever.
Now I find myself faced with the last few days of the year and not a single column to write, picture to draw, or page to design. I can't remember the last time I didn't have anything on my plate. I'll be at the world's greatest new year's eve party at the Fox Theater in a few days, partying it up in a custom made kilt with a friend of mine (yes, we'll be wearing separate kilts, not partying in one kilt. He's not that good of a friend). Oh, how I will celebrate the closing of the greatest year of my life.
So far, that is.
 Dusty
RELATED LINK: http://www.wednesdaynightdrinkingclub.com/nye2005/
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posted by Dusty at 4:18 PM |
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10 Comments:
But hey, Dusty - Julian / aka Katanabright here - and just wanting to say, the thanks go to you, my friend, for helping so many people here and back in da hood (D-land) find a shred of humor to cling to in some of these hideously dark days. And I appreciate your work so much that I not only tell others, I even write to youe employers regularly, threatening to stalk them all and beat them senseless with lice ridden sock-monkeys unless they treat you well. Don't thank me, it's the least I can do.
Will shut up for now, but wish you the very best in the coming year. It's your turn now. Maybe mine comes soon!
- j -
Well, it has been a pleasure working for you. Everyone should be lucky enough to be around a pedantic spell checker with no other obvious talents aside from some basic business acumen. I don't know what I am going to do without all of that money pouring in from AI. I'll probably have to eat my cat. I might just continue to write here out of spite. That'll show you who's fired.
-=D=-
CS
And Thea, lick my balls.
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