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Online Dating 101- Part 2
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12/7/2004
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Lesson one, part two- Your Description.
Here's where you blather on about yourself in order to somehow appear different than everyone else. In the space where they ask you to describe what you like to do, write something interesting or leave it blank. It is assumed by virtue of the fact that you are alive that you "like to have fun". I must have read and deleted a thousand profiles based on that line. "My name is Megasexy99, and I like to hang out with my friends and I like to have fun. And I can't believe I am doing this". No shit? I hate my friends and I only like stuff that hurts. Oh, and you can't believe you are doing this? Apparently every woman who goes hunting online is completely bewildered by her own desperation. We're all here doing the same damn thing, sweetheart. Get over yourself.
Description Dos and don'ts
DO:
- Show some confidence, but not by saying you are confident. If you are sexy, you won't need to say it. Same goes for funny and intelligent. Just be those things, or better yet, be whatever you are.
- Be honest. It is always very sad when someone is just trying too hard, claiming to be a bunch of stuff that they obviously are not. If you aren't funny, don't try.
- Keep some information to yourself. No need to tell your life story. Run past the interesting bits in a general way and leave some surprises for later, like that raging case of syphilis.
- Make it quick, especially if you are a guy. I once posted a fake ad as an average looking girl, just so I could get an idea what kind of responses they got. No, I didn't respond to any of the guys who wrote to me (although I did laugh heartily at the guy who sent me a shirtless picture of himself and a complete description of how he would make love to me). Girls get a lot of e-mail on these sites, and they don't want to pore over a thousand self-indulgent biographies.
- Check your speling and grammar. If you are old enough to whore yourself out in the lonely abyss of cyberspace, you are old enough to take measures to avoid looking stupid. For starters, you should have a decent grasp on the difference between "you're" and "your" if you are not clinically retarded. Also, their, there, and they're. If you find yourself deficient in these areas, you should at least have someone smart read over it.
Don't:
- Talk about sex unless you are on one of those e-social disease sites where that is the norm. Mentioning that you enjoy sex is sort of like saying you like to have fun. If I had just met a girl in a bar and she opened up with "I do enjoy my healthy sex life", I'd probably politely excuse myself (as soon as she described every detail of it to me and we had humped like field sluts under the stairs.)
- Sound obsessive or lonely. One that always sets off warning bells for me is the mention of cats or dogs in the plural, and referring to them as people. I can usually do without the girl who has several pets and refers to them as her babies. I have a cat, but I would not list it as something I could not live without or as one of my best friends. She hates me and I tolerate her. I'm human, she is a furry bag of shit and vomit.
- Mention a past relationship where you were hurt. We've all been shat upon, and displaying your baggage like a trophy isn't going to improve your chances of it not happening again. For that matter, don't mention your ex-boyfriend even if you think you are best buddies with him. A guy will not want a girl who lives with her ex "just as friends" because we are male and we know that he wouldn't be around at all if he didn't want to screw her- especially if he used to screw her. If you think you are the exception to this rule, try this sometime- Get a little drunk with your purely platonic male friend and ask him if he would have sex with you. The answer may shock you.
- Be bitter. I've seen this more from dudes than women. Don't start off by bitching about how hard it is to find someone or how you are frustrated with dating. Negativity isn't a good selling point.
- Lie. Do you really think that if you say you are 5'5" and 100 pounds, no one will notice when you turn out to be 5'1" and 280? Do you think that a good relationship will come of you claiming to be a fighter pilot when you drive a dump truck? Do you think she will never find out you are married? (The answer to all of these questions is "no")
Now that you have created an ad, we'll cover the correspondence part next week. Same bat time, same bat channel.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 11:23 AM |
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8 Comments:
not anonymous. just lazy.
from: landin
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