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Main Booze Clues Salami Tsunami

  Recalibrating my Awesommeter.
2/8/2005
I need a break. I have a lot going on right now, and some of it is stuff that I only think I am good enough to pull off. I guess that's the root of humility, so I'll keep plugging along. This entire weekend was spent working on a big (four page) comic strip that will appear in Greenville Upstate Link in a week or two. Having never done that kind of job, I figured I could do it with no real problem simply based on my sheer awesomitude... because...you know...I rule and all that.

Awesomitude has its limits. Even mine. Waking up at 3 a.m. on Sunday with a dried out marker in your hand and the TV remote buttons pressed into your cheek will make you realize shit like that. My face reprogrammed my television and now I only get two home shopping channels and some Spanish game show crap. I built character at a very low hourly rate in the past week.

So I went to the grocery store to clear my mind. Grocery stores have a very therapeutic effect on me. Watching people, striking up conversations and that one super happy cashier that I like make me feel as if all is right with the world. While there, I invented the next diet craze- only eat foods that make you laugh. The calories you burn while telling someone what you are eating will outweigh whatever you are about to eat. Don't try it if you haven't had much sleep, though. You'd be surprised how hilarious a jar of pickled eggs can be on three hours of sleep.

So I was staggering through the aisles, using my shopping cart as a sort of walker, determined to buy only the products that were funny of their own accord.

I left with two items. Meatloaf and cock flavored soup. Oh, it's real. I'm just probably never going to taste it.

Later as I was still laughing about the word "meatloaf", I saw a Dr. Pepper commercial featuring a song that was all "I would do any thing for love, but I won't do that." I don't know what the hell that song has to do with a soft drink (as it is obviously a song about some kind of sodomy), but a quick internet search revealed that the song was written by Meatloaf, and that was ironic.

Does anyone realize that the irony that Alannis Morisette sings about is not actually irony? The song should be entitled "Isn't that unfortunate" or "doesn't that just suck". A black fly in your chardonnay is not ironic unless you have just finished giving a lecture on how to get winged insects drunk. Then you could look around to all of your friends, point to your glass, and say "Now THAT'S irony...dontcha' think?"

The oven timer just went off indicating that my meatloaf is done. Maybe I should pour a little cock soup over it and call it a meal.

I would do anything for lunch, but I won't do that.


Dusty

RELATED LINK:
posted by Dusty at 7:43 AM

15 Comments:

Anonymous said...
I'm not a fan but I think it is ironic because there are not any actual examples of irony.
dane82 said...
finally, someone else points out the lack of irony in that song. i thought it was just the subject of several late-night discussions between friends and myself.

man, i sure had to sign up for some useless crap to post that useless comment.
Cricket said...
Dusty, how about Bok Choy, Arugula, and Rutabegas? Was the jar or pickled eggs next to the jar of pickled pigs feet? Seriously, how $%&#ed up do you have to be to eat pickled pigs feet?
Anonymous said...
Just for the record..."I would do anything for love, but I won't do that..." was written by Jim Steinman and performed by Meatloaf Aday (his full name).
Anonymous said...
it's funny you mention that "ironic" song! last night i was at a diner with the boy and that song was playing. i looked at him and said, "this song really should be changed from 'ironic' to 'unlucky'!" yes, alanis isn't one of canada's best exports (as a canadian, i apologize about her... most of us actually know what the word "ironic" means). and food that makes you laugh? i was at a dollar store not too long ago and they were selling cock flavoured ramen noodles made by a company named "smack". i laughed all the way home! got home and told the boy they sell smack at the dollar store! haha! it was great.
Dusty said...
To the first poster-

Yes, that was ironic that no actual examples of irony were given. Very nice observation. I didn't think anyone would catch that, as irony is as misrepresented as the word "sarcasm" these days. Damn hippies.

I hope you continue to read in spite of your non-fan status.
Bingoguy said...
I wasn't sure if he was saying he wasn't a fan of Alanis or Dusty. I vote Alanis.
Anonymous said...
http://www.epod-central.com/comedy/edbyrne/edbyrnetranscript1.html

- James
Anonymous said...
Perhaps there was some irony there when Dusty assumed that the person was not a fan of his. Or maybe it was sarcasm mistaken for irony with a dash of empathetic brashness and blase fortitude.
Anonymous said...
Ironically, 2005 is the year of the cock.
Anonymous said...
Best of luck with the comic strip. I am positive that it will be fabulous. By the way, I liked "Dislodging Cupid's Arrow." Cute. Next time I have to listen to some guy go on and on about how great his buddy is, I'll understand why and praise him on his Wingman dedication.
~Anathema
Wombat said...
*snicker* He said cock soup!

As always, another great post!
Anonymous said...
First poster: I'm a Dusty fan, I'm not an alanis morissette fan.
jbgrego@msn.com said...
You are so friggin' funny! Just when I think you couldn't possibly make me laugh as hard as you did the last time, I laugh even harder! (Isn't it ironic?!) hmmm.
Anonymous said...
A fly in your wine sucks. A fly in your post-drunk-fly-lecture tipple is coincidental, and it sucks. When you're toasting yourself for another fine lecture on the disinclination of flies to swim in chardonnay, having keenly noted their preference for red, and one of the pesky suckers dives in antennae first...irony...and of course it still sucks. Sucking often goes hand in hand with irony. The meatloaf thing was coincidence too. Irony is tricky business, but perhaps Alanis understands it perfectly...wouldn't that be ironic? Coincidentally, I live in her hometown.

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Comments:
I'm not a fan but I think it is ironic because there are not any actual examples of irony.
 
finally, someone else points out the lack of irony in that song. i thought it was just the subject of several late-night discussions between friends and myself.

man, i sure had to sign up for some useless crap to post that useless comment.
 
Dusty, how about Bok Choy, Arugula, and Rutabegas? Was the jar or pickled eggs next to the jar of pickled pigs feet? Seriously, how $%&#ed up do you have to be to eat pickled pigs feet?
 
Just for the record..."I would do anything for love, but I won't do that..." was written by Jim Steinman and performed by Meatloaf Aday (his full name).
 
it's funny you mention that "ironic" song! last night i was at a diner with the boy and that song was playing. i looked at him and said, "this song really should be changed from 'ironic' to 'unlucky'!" yes, alanis isn't one of canada's best exports (as a canadian, i apologize about her... most of us actually know what the word "ironic" means). and food that makes you laugh? i was at a dollar store not too long ago and they were selling cock flavoured ramen noodles made by a company named "smack". i laughed all the way home! got home and told the boy they sell smack at the dollar store! haha! it was great.
 
To the first poster-

Yes, that was ironic that no actual examples of irony were given. Very nice observation. I didn't think anyone would catch that, as irony is as misrepresented as the word "sarcasm" these days. Damn hippies.

I hope you continue to read in spite of your non-fan status.
 
I wasn't sure if he was saying he wasn't a fan of Alanis or Dusty. I vote Alanis.
 
http://www.epod-central.com/comedy/edbyrne/edbyrnetranscript1.html

- James
 
Perhaps there was some irony there when Dusty assumed that the person was not a fan of his. Or maybe it was sarcasm mistaken for irony with a dash of empathetic brashness and blase fortitude.
 
Ironically, 2005 is the year of the cock.
 
Best of luck with the comic strip. I am positive that it will be fabulous. By the way, I liked "Dislodging Cupid's Arrow." Cute. Next time I have to listen to some guy go on and on about how great his buddy is, I'll understand why and praise him on his Wingman dedication.
~Anathema
 
*snicker* He said cock soup!

As always, another great post!
 
First poster: I'm a Dusty fan, I'm not an alanis morissette fan.
 
You are so friggin' funny! Just when I think you couldn't possibly make me laugh as hard as you did the last time, I laugh even harder! (Isn't it ironic?!) hmmm.
 
A fly in your wine sucks. A fly in your post-drunk-fly-lecture tipple is coincidental, and it sucks. When you're toasting yourself for another fine lecture on the disinclination of flies to swim in chardonnay, having keenly noted their preference for red, and one of the pesky suckers dives in antennae first...irony...and of course it still sucks. Sucking often goes hand in hand with irony. The meatloaf thing was coincidence too. Irony is tricky business, but perhaps Alanis understands it perfectly...wouldn't that be ironic? Coincidentally, I live in her hometown.
 
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