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Recalibrating my Awesommeter.
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2/8/2005
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I need a break. I have a lot going on right now, and some of it is stuff that I only think I am good enough to pull off. I guess that's the root of humility, so I'll keep plugging along. This entire weekend was spent working on a big (four page) comic strip that will appear in Greenville Upstate Link in a week or two. Having never done that kind of job, I figured I could do it with no real problem simply based on my sheer awesomitude... because...you know...I rule and all that.
Awesomitude has its limits. Even mine. Waking up at 3 a.m. on Sunday with a dried out marker in your hand and the TV remote buttons pressed into your cheek will make you realize shit like that. My face reprogrammed my television and now I only get two home shopping channels and some Spanish game show crap. I built character at a very low hourly rate in the past week.
So I went to the grocery store to clear my mind. Grocery stores have a very therapeutic effect on me. Watching people, striking up conversations and that one super happy cashier that I like make me feel as if all is right with the world. While there, I invented the next diet craze- only eat foods that make you laugh. The calories you burn while telling someone what you are eating will outweigh whatever you are about to eat. Don't try it if you haven't had much sleep, though. You'd be surprised how hilarious a jar of pickled eggs can be on three hours of sleep.
So I was staggering through the aisles, using my shopping cart as a sort of walker, determined to buy only the products that were funny of their own accord.
I left with two items. Meatloaf and cock flavored soup. Oh, it's real. I'm just probably never going to taste it.
Later as I was still laughing about the word "meatloaf", I saw a Dr. Pepper commercial featuring a song that was all "I would do any thing for love, but I won't do that." I don't know what the hell that song has to do with a soft drink (as it is obviously a song about some kind of sodomy), but a quick internet search revealed that the song was written by Meatloaf, and that was ironic.
Does anyone realize that the irony that Alannis Morisette sings about is not actually irony? The song should be entitled "Isn't that unfortunate" or "doesn't that just suck". A black fly in your chardonnay is not ironic unless you have just finished giving a lecture on how to get winged insects drunk. Then you could look around to all of your friends, point to your glass, and say "Now THAT'S irony...dontcha' think?"
The oven timer just went off indicating that my meatloaf is done. Maybe I should pour a little cock soup over it and call it a meal.
I would do anything for lunch, but I won't do that.
Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 7:43 AM |
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15 Comments:
man, i sure had to sign up for some useless crap to post that useless comment.
Yes, that was ironic that no actual examples of irony were given. Very nice observation. I didn't think anyone would catch that, as irony is as misrepresented as the word "sarcasm" these days. Damn hippies.
I hope you continue to read in spite of your non-fan status.
- James
~Anathema
As always, another great post!
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