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Porn in Spring
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4/12/2005
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Now that the temperature is in a tolerable range, I can open my windows and fall asleep to the soothing sounds of city buses, fire trucks, and drunk people stumbling and puking their way home from a night out. It all happens 10 yards from my bedroom.
In the morning it looks like someone spray painted my room yellow and I'd swear there is a pair of hiking boots in my nose, indicating the pollen count is somewhere around nine trillion. Small price to pay for perfect weather. A guy runs past my house with his dog, a plastic sack of warm feces swinging at his side, thumping his leg with every stride. The main reason I don't have a dog is that I would have to carry his shit around in a bag when I took him for a walk.
I set up my easel on my front porch and watched the birds while I worked. There is one bird that starts chirping loudly at about 6 am right outside my window. It's a little annoying, but it could be worse. I wonder if all of the other birds talk about him behind his back-
"Yeah, that's Tyrone. He's alright, but he talks way too much. Gets up all early and thinks we care what he has to say. I mean, I have four hungry mouths to regurgitate into and he's keeping me awake all night."
I also watched the small birds picking up sunflower seeds and flying up to the tree limbs to crack them open. They hold them in their tiny talons and peck away furiously at the shells. How often do you think they accidentally peck their foot? Is it like a human biting their lip?
"Almost *peckpeckpeck* there...one *peckity* more *peck* P-GODDAMNIT!! AAGH! My fucking foot! Ahhhhh...jeez..."
I'm also particularly looking forward to seeing some things hatch. I've had my eye on a couple of egg sacs all winter(haven't we all?). Last fall a praying mantis laid eggs on my ficus tree, so I figure the little bastards will come crawling out sometime soon. Unfortunately, the ficus tree is in the cage with my chameleon, so I have doubts about their life expectancy. There is also a collection of very strange cylindrical insect eggs of some kind on my window screen. Thankfully they are on the outside, because I don't need a bunch of centipedes burrowing into my ear while I sleep. Not again.
In spring everything is having sex. Everything except writer/illustrators; we actually migrate to equatorial regions in the early fall to spawn. By November you will see our lifeless bodies littering streambeds all over Brazil. It's quite the spectacle.
Once in a while you'll see a couple of birds pinning one another down and flapping weirdly for a few seconds, and then the male bird flies away and the female sits on the ground looking disappointed. No matter how much you want to, don't laugh at her. It's the only action she's getting all year. I saw a couple of ducks getting it on and thought the one on the bottom was going to drown, but didn't intervene. Ducks don't come into my house and give me sex lessons, so what right do I have?
Look around you. Everything is doing it. Cats, dogs, rodents, reptiles, fish, insects, trees, flowers... If you're into that kind of stuff (you sick monkey), you might as well unplug your computer, because the porn is free for a few weeks.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 6:40 AM |
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14 Comments:
Dusty butts- I'll write soon, need to catch up.
T
Here in the southern hemisphere, fall is upon us and birds, bees, fleas and the entire animal kingdom are putting the brakes on doing the nasty.
But now there's only love in the dark....
can you believe it is 23 years old!!ahhhh
Ducks are cluckin'
Now's the time
for outdoor fuckin!
T- I know you have more degrees than a thermometer but obviously one of them isn’t in zoology. Ducks "quack" and chickens "cluck" so when is the next time we're going to f---?
Dusty, you added your usual odd twist.......am seriously rethinking porn. Yikes, or maybe I'm not thinking!!
knpepper
yes i know i'm an annoying prick. you're welcome
I love you to love me,
I need you to need me,
I beg of you to beg me...
Remember, we love you.
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