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Music Blogtown
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6/14/2005
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I'm not much of a music festival kind of guy. I'm not a fan of crowds, loud noises, rednecks, hippies, port-o-johns, hypothermia, heatstroke, or overpriced beer. Those are all ingredients of a music festival, so as a rule, you won't find me there.
However, this year I got the super hookup to music midtown with cheap/free tickets, free parking, a friend that lives within 40 yards of the main gate, and someone who flew in from out of town to go to the show. So I was more or less committed.
Plus I got to drink beer and hang out with these two all weekend.
Color me awesome. The one on the left is married to a giant of a man who can kill all of you with one hand, and the other one is my ladyfriend, so don't ask.
Saturday night the weather was crap, as it traditionally is on the weekend of Music Midtown. We killed time at my friend's house waiting for a break in the rain, and luckily there was a trauma nurse there. Not because we had any trauma, but because anyone who works in the E.R. at Grady has the most hands down kickass stories you have ever heard. For example, try being overheard saying the following-
"...with a knife sticking out of her face. Oh, she was seizing, but it's nice to know there is somewhere to go when you have a fucking shiv up in your gullet."
Yeah. Everyone starts listening to you right about then.
We decided to go see Tom Petty play since it didn't seem to be raining. About thirty minutes later we were trying to find arkbuilding materials and gathering two of every animal, but for some reason when you are with a billion other wet people all having a pretty good time it doesn't matter. The only part that sucked even remotely was the toilet situation.
This guy wanted no part of it, and in a feat of balance and coordination that has never before been seen, he stood inebriated in the mud and pouring rain and took a leak while balancing a full can of beer on his head.
I have a shy bladder and can't make water in public, so I ventured in. The smell of sauteed assholes in Windex is to be expected, but the degree to which people can miss the mark with their excretions is mind boggling. Yeah, just crap in your hand and fling it into the open door of the port-o-potty like a damn monkey, you retard. I don't mind standing in it while I urinate. The bright side? I finally thought of an application for my line of crotchless hazmat suits, so look for them to be on sale at next year's festival. Patent pending.
Sunday afternoon it stopped raining and one of the guys at my friend Barret's house went all savant on us and all he could talk about was Def Leppard. We were all going to see Def Leppard, and it didn't matter if it was 400 degrees outside and our faces were on fire. I'm glad we did, because if nothing else America owes the mullet to that band, and that haircut did for our society what the concept of tattooing everyone's IQ on their forehead couldn't.
After Def and the Leppards went home, we waited for Kid Rock. I can personally take or leave the guy, as I am in no way an American badass, nor do I ascribe to their traditional customs or dress. If he softens his image to more of an American mediochreass, we'll talk. Until then, he's just another rock star to me. However, both of the ladies accompanying me were from Detroit, so there we waited. And waited.
Kid Rock needs to get a watchity watch biddang biddang boogey woogie watchey watchey tell the time don't be late drop the whatever because he was an hour late.
I was surprised to find that Mr. Rock can put on one hell of a show. More to the point, he completely owned the place in a way I haven't seen since they put Family Guy back on FOX. I went through my checklist-
Fire and explosions? Check
Awesome six year old with a mowhawk throwing up the horns? Check
Pole dancing stripper chicks? I didn't take pictures, but check.
Detroit boy pretty much blowing the asses out of everyone within earshot? Check.
Fat chick raping some dude against a fence? What the hell...check.
Yeah, think twice before you do stupid shit at a concert. You never know who's walking by with a camera.
Next week- "Speaking of stupid shit..."
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 4:39 AM |
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8 Comments:
You're lucky I just donated mine to LockOfLove buddy, or I'd come down there and ... and ... do whatever people with mullets are supposed to do to those who don't appreciate them. Like give you business in the front while partying in your back, or thereabouts. Or something.
-Ken of KenVille
What, no pics of toothless rednecks in mullets? You disappoint me Dusty.
And thanks for the tip, Dusty. We'll be more careful at our next festival--Flatlanders Frolick. Maybe we'll see you there.
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