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They Have a Centrifuge
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6/28/2005
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Last Thursday night I went with my better looking half to watch game nine of the world series of basketball- a deadly face off between the Minnesota Pistons and the North Mexico Faggots. You probably can't tell, but I don't pay much attention to sports. In fact, I would wager that I know less about sports in general than any heterosexual man in the United States. Girlfriend loves the Pistons, though, so we went. They had food and beer, and she smells good, so I was happy. I actually started getting involved in the game toward the end. Don't tell anybody.
One cool thing about basketball (and sports in general) is that every time a point is scored, everybody freaks the hell out. The reason it's especially good for basketball is that someone scores every fifteen seconds. Exactly unlike my dating career in college. So scream your balls off a few times a minute for seven hours and you are a basketball fan. Some kind of weird time-warp thing happens in sports on television- a basketball game is played in two halves, each equal in time (or so one would infer by use of the word "half"). The first half was over in 45 minutes including commercial breaks, and the second half lasted an additional 3 hours. Explain.
Sports bars have trivia, so it's sort of fun to try to play along for the hell of it. Being a sports bar they ask mostly sports questions and the occasional literature, history, or science question.
The sport questions are insanely difficult (even if you aren't a sports retard like me), and the science and history questions were taken directly from a box of pop-tarts.
Announcer- "okaaayyyeverybody, answers innnn...and leading the pack with 93 points is 'Anita Johnson and the race cows' (what is with the trivia team names?)...Next question is sporrrttssss...who was the second female after Petrouvka Marenkajevik to win the Mesonomic Open on artificial brick in a leap year?"
And five teams get it right. Seriously.
Then the guy asks what dinosaur's name rhymes with "Kyrannosaurus Dex" and all you can hear is drink orders being placed. By crickets.
If anyone ever opens up a science bar with trivia, I'm going to destroy all who come to challenge me and aren't smarter than I am. Unfortunately, I just don't think it's a good business model.
"We're going to Tesla's Imbibery on 10th. You in? It's trivia night, focus on meteorology."
"Uhhh...what kind of place is that?"
"A science bar. They run the beer through a centrifuge. It's really...cool...ish."
"...are there any girls there?"
"Any what?"
"Girls. Are there any girls there?"
"They have a centrifuge."
I suppose if you are going to be a non-sports fan in any major city in the United States, it might as well be Atlanta. All of our teams suck anyway except the Braves. They only suck intermittently.
I know that statement won't garner the same flurry of commentia as the entry about unlabored capitalists did (scroll down if you missed it), but I figured I'd give you a break. Plus, some drunk guy just read that the Braves sort of suck and he's not even reading this part- he's busy composing a scathing rebuttal.
Five points if you were offended by the team name "North Mexico Faggots". Ten if you were just jealous you didn't think of it first.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 4:12 AM |
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16 Comments:
Hubby is also a whiz with math and sciences, so much so that it frightens my math-challenged little self to the core.
And I'll admit, I'm jealous I didn't think of "North Mexico Faggots" first but I wonder if you've even met a Mexican because you sure seem to hate them.
What is the medical condition that killed professional golfer Payne Stewart and the rest of the crew, and how did it come about? Bonus points if you can give me the route the plane took. No looking at the NTSB website, either.
The route the plane took was down, I believe.
I blame the toilet paper...
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