|
Adopt-a-disaster
|
7/11/2005
|
I love benefit concerts. A bunch of people pooling their talents to help the impoverished. This year they all decided to do it along with the G8 summit so anyone who would rather listen to music than a bunch of world leaders could do so. Their focus? Poverty.
Their goal?
Oh no. Not what one would think.
The concert was only to raise awareness. They don't want your money. They want your awareness. Because awareness cures poverty and feeds hungry people.
Having been informed that awareness is now a legal form of currency, I decided to call t-mobile and tell them that although I enjoy paying $150 a month for my phone, I would like to switch to the awareness plan. Since I am aware of the bill they sent me, I explained, it should be considered paid. If my own awareness wasn't enough, I offered to take my bill and show it to my neighbors while playing a catchy tune on a juice harp in hopes that the added awareness would take care of it.
I then decided to try another experiment. I made what I thought would be a delicious bowl of macaroni and awareness. I figured that with the success of live 8, the lush green awareness fields would stretch for miles across the African planes and be harvested to feed all who live there, so we might as well start including it in our recipes.
As ridiculous as it may seem on the surface, I am glad that people are doing stuff to fix things and whatever. The big answer to everything as usual is to send more money to them. You know, since the $85 trillion a year we're sending now is doing so much to help matters. Warlords need to put gas in their helicopters just like everyone else, and making sure your citizens are starving can actually cost more than feeding them.
Once again, we are at that time of year where a hurricane destroys Florida once a week. I love the way they scramble to rebuild and clean up and then brace for the next one. Like wiping one's ass before shitting. Just let it sit there and wait until October to clean it up. Save everybody a lot of time and money.
What about the tourist industry? Well, assuming that some people's idea of tourism is being skewered by a flag pole in 120 mph winds, they shouldn't have a problem. Just make the entire panhandle into a macabre amusement park. Head to the beach and enjoy the maze of caustic chemicals. Wade through solvents and paint products until your skin burns, and then hit the haunted boat graveyard for some precariously balanced hulls that will surely lead to blunt force trauma fun for the whole family! See and contract exciting diseases that you never knew existed in the biohazard funhouse in beautiful Pensacola!
See? All they need is the right marketing strategy.
Speaking of which, why has no one stepped up to offer corporate sponsorship of a hurricane? If hurricane Best Buy were to devastate Palm Beach next week, we could see yellow toe tags on the victims and corporate branded plywood over shop windows. Come on people. Am I the only one who is thinking around here? For a building supply company, it's practically a no-brainer. For a musician with an upcoming album, it makes sense on another level entirely. Tropical storm Jamiroquai making landfall at the exact time his new album hits shelves will sell some frigging CD's and everyone knows it.
So let's get on this. I don't know who is in charge, but I'd better see more stuff like this during the next natural disaster.
I'm glad being awesome isn't painful. Because oh seriously the agony I'd be in.
 Dusty
RELATED LINK:
|
|
posted by Dusty at 10:47 AM |
|
|
15 Comments:
Your awesomnitude is fantasculatory. If awesomnitude was currency like awareness, you'd be Bill Gates and he'd be some African serf.
Smooches,
Someone who wonders why cats MUST sit ON the keyboard (but only when you're typing)
Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Will there be a shark-infested water ride at this macabre amusement park?
TA DA
I need more coffee
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5596320339&category=1469&rd=1#ebayphotohosting
Anyhoo, keep up the good funny as I do enjoy hearty guffaws from time to time.
Just to let you know however, it's a "Jew's Harp", not juice harp. That is if you're talkin' about that twangy instrument we always hear in the background of movies set in the deep south. You know.... right before the buck-toothed antagonist hops from the woods to steal away with the panties dryin' on the clothesline. "Hey maw... got you some underpants straight from dat dare Victoria's Secret! Hoo-doggies!!"
Keep 'em coming! Especially when you rant about stupid frat boys and the "Shiny Shirts". Here in Chicago, I call 'em the "Stripe Shirts", but I reckon y'all have 'em in yer neck of the woods too.
Later tater!
P.S See you in October for the CleanUp... Until then EVERYONE should go to www.msillinois.org & donate to my softball team the "Potential Lunch Winners" for Multiple Sclerosis.... Thanks for the use of your comments page to whore out my fundraiser :)
+Post a Comment
<< MOST RECENT BLOG