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Afraid of Widths
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8/16/2005
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Here's an interesting exercise, and one that gave me a new phobia. I was thinking about how people are by nature not vertically oriented- almost everyone is afraid of flying and heights and stuff. I was looking at a tree (everybody has to have a hobby), and I thought "That tree must be around thirty feet tall. That's huge. If I fell out of that tree I'd be dead or in a vegetative state until my brother pulled the plug for my insurance money." Then I called my insurance company and changed my beneficiary because ever since I listed my brother he's been acting all murdery.
Back to the tree...
What if that tree was lying on the ground? Not so intimidating now are you, Mr. Tree? I can walk thirty feet in a few seconds on a good day.
Then I looked at the far wall of my room. Ten or twelve feet away, otherwise known as 3 to 5 steps. I still wouldn't jump off of something that high because I have not yet completed the "falling from great heights" class in my ninja training. I came to the conclusion that I would jump off of something about as high as my desk, but not much higher. Ever since then, I imagine everything horizontal as being vertical and wonder if I'd be able to fall that far. Try it. Look at the far wall of wherever you are right now. For realism, run toward it, accelerating at 9.8 m/s2 and slam into it with your face or the top of your head.
To make a short story boring, I'm now afraid of horizontal distances, and I shared this fact with you because I didn't want to be the only one.
So last weekend I was at a softball fundraiser, idly slamming my nuts against the chainlink like I always do, when a voice behind me said "sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop that."
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 12:54 PM |
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11 Comments:
That kind of sounds like a wrestling move...
Somehow I don't think your desensitizing The Skirt is going to be as difficult as you think, after all you're a self-proclaimed naughty spooner... what more could she ask for?
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