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Home Appliance Repair: Part Duh
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1/3/2006
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A letter to Kenmore-
Dear Sirs,
Imagine the following scenario if you will...you got your secretary pregnant by accident at the office party, and she is in labor. Hurtling along icy roads toward the hospital, you lose control and slam headlong into a pay toilet, totaling your Paseo. When you regain consciousness you realize that the printed text on your airbag is a detailed lesson on stationary object avoidance in slippery conditions and instructions on deploying the non-skid tire spikes. A short ambulance ride and a couple of hours later, your accidental son is miraculously born wearing a suit made of every contraceptive device known to man. Not only that, but a birthmark on his thigh reads, "You got syphilis from my mom- enjoy your descent into madness."
The preceding outlandish hypothetical situation was written to illustrate the following point: Information that could prevent a problem should be available before the problem manifests itself. Furthermore, it relates to an issue I had with one of your products that makes the above scenario seem a bit less far-fetched.
I have been pretty happy with my front-load stacking washer/dryer combo, but one dark day last week the wash cycle was over and I noticed the "door lock" light was still on. This light indicates that the door is mechanically locked, preventing me from opening it while the machine is running. I'm completely in favor of any device that protects me from myself, as I am seemingly on a crusade of self-injury. I am also fairly mechanically inclined, so I figured it just wasn't finished draining and left it alone.
A couple of hours later I remembered that I had wet clothes molding in my washing machine and tried the door again. The light was still on and the door wouldn't budge. Again, logic and reason prevailed, and I guessed something just didn't happen when it should have. I decided to run the wash cycle again and see if that would fix the problem.
Another hour passes, and the door is still locked.
I ran out of patience and alternatives at precisely the same instant, spinning into a realm of anger I haven't seen since the last time I talked to a DMV employee. My only objective was to get my clothes out of their watery prison and into the dryer, and that door was to be on the receiving end of my efforts. I began pulling until I heard something snap. I was sent tumbling into the corner where I called the washer several inappropriate names and threatened to violate it in ways that I am now too ashamed to repeat.
Gathering myself and looking for any parts I might need, I noticed a set of instructions detailing how to manually override the lock mechanism to the washer door. A sticker in plain view, right there ON THE INSIDE OF THE DOOR.
I'm not going to waste a lot of effort here trying to quantify how little sense that makes. I think you understand, and I hope you are sorry for what you did.
Later, I called the service center to see how much the parts would cost to fix the machine. Linda was refreshingly polite and actually seemed to know a lot about the product. For that, I would like to thank whomever deserves thanking and ask you to give her controlling stock in the company.
"I need some parts for my washing machine. A door frame and maybe some other stuff."
"Okay sir, I'll be happy to help you. Model Number?"
"312-xhygoph-443311-01"
"Mmmhmmm...Okay, the door frame is $9,000, and the glass part is $18 billion."
(Hysterical laughter/sobbing)
"Sir?"
"Um, sorry. It's just that my neighbor is selling his washer and dryer together for $75. Wait till I tell him the kind of coin he can make if he sells it for parts. Do they build these things out of crashed alien spacecraft or something?"
"I don't think so. They are pretty expensive, though. What happened to your door?"
"It wouldn't come open, so I had to brutally convince it to do my bidding."
"So the door wouldn't open and you broke it?"
"Actually, I think the door staying locked for most of the day qualifies it as broken, so I like to think of my actions as the first step to repair."
"You know, there is a way to unlock the door manually. Should be printed on a sticker..."
"Actually I do know that. Do you know where that sticker is? I'll give you a hint- completely inaccessible if you can't unlock the door."
"Where...?" *silence...more silence...keyboard clacking...laughter* "Oh, dear. That is a bad place for it..."
"Yeah, pass that along to the sticker guy. I'm going to see if I can buy my neighbor's washer. Thanks for your help- I'll call back if I decide to fix this one."
After further inspection, I realized that the only part that needed replacement was the plastic catch that screws into the door. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the part was only $6 when I called back. The nice lady sent me one and it arrived just two days later. I installed it in 10 minutes and the washer is working fine.
You know, had I elected to put that last sentence at the beginning of this letter, you would have known that my problem required no action on your part without having to read all of this. I did that for a reason.
Thank you for your time,
Dusty Scott
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 4:09 PM |
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13 Comments:
..................son of a bitch!
Great blog, knucklehead. Stay away from my car.
PSWhy will a man choose to believe he can fix whatever appliance is broken, while most women will ring the manufacturer or shop where they bought the appliance, and get a repair man to do the job?
PPS if it still under guarantee, said repair should be free of cost.
Suckage into a Narnia-tesque fantasy land, no doubt.
*The pregnant secretary/air bag scenario was very clever, too.
Anyway ~ here's to good health!
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