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Moron Attacks Penguin
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1/31/2006
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Last Saturday I got to see the Georgia Aquarium as a tourist for the first time, and this time I brought my camera. That should thrill those of you who hate to read but love my wacky antics.
The Skirt and I had been warned by people that it got crowded and was tough to see everything. After you hear the same warning over and over, it takes on a life of its own and you end up overreacting. We practiced our elbow drops and submission holds for the anticipated fight for starfish viewing rights. We had satellite photos and maps and two way radios and stuff in case we got separated.
"Okay, as soon as we get there, we have to run- I mean SPRINT to the season pass area so we can get our pictures taken for our passes. Then we'll rappel down the wave wall to the Scuba Adventure. On my mark, we will blow the locks on the maintenance doors so we can crawl past the busload of ankle biters who are going to try to monopolize the touch tank..."
Surprisingly it was very manageable when we got there. We pretty much had the run of the place for most of an hour. Of course we still ran around and shimmied over things since we had put so much time into the plan.
First stop was the penguin display. The Skirt says she loves me, but I have a feeling she'd leave me for a suitably creative penguin. The best part of the display is that you can poke your head up into a viewing capsule and act like you are part of the penguin society.
I first tried to fit in, preening my plumage. The movement of the camera made me look like I had Trump hair.
Then I figured as long as this penguin wasn't paying attention, I'd freak him out when he turned around.
I don't think penguins and morons are natural enemies, so he really didn't care. The Skirt asked me to "act normal" (whatever that is), so I tried making friends with the penguin.
Then I tried to get The Skirt into the capsule, but she is claustrophobic so I used the life-size cardboard cut-out I keep in my wallet.
Next stop- Giant Octopus
As it turns out, the words "giant" and "octopus" are relative. This was the third time I had seen him and he still looked like something that fell out of an ox's nose. I'm sure I got there right after he finished juggling, painting, solving a rubik's cube, and writing an opera at the same time. I didn't get a picture of him because flash photography converts giant octopi into pure energy. There was a sign on the wall and everything.
We headed toward the Georgia coast exhibit, our eyes gleaming in anticipation of aquatic opossum. Outside the exhibit was an open top habitat where people were holding their kids near the water so they could pet whatever was swimming around inside.
There is something about seeing a parent hold their four year old kid over a tank full of stingrays and sharks that just isn't right. It's even a little weird to force yourself to put your own hand in the water. Sting rays feel like neurotoxin flavored Jell-o. Sharks feel like they are made of cat tongues. They very well may be, for all I know.
I figured if there was a stingray petting tank outside the Georgia coast exhibit, there was probably an interactive fire ant feeding display inside.
In reality, it was more of a playground. There were slides, ladders, and a tank with some shrimp in it that you could fondle if you were so inclined. The Skirt said when we come back we should bring a cup of cocktail sauce and set it on the edge of the tank just to mess with their shrimpy minds. I wanted to go down a slide but I didn't bring it up because The Skirt has been living with a mild form of 24-hour embarrassment since we met almost a year ago, and I probably shouldn't push my luck.
A few minutes later we passed the Beluga whales. These guys are a little too human. They swim right up to the glass and look you in the eye as if to say "Ya savvy?" This one was totally hamming it up for this kid, smiling for the cameras and everything.
We decided that a few of the belugas are real. However, this one and maybe one other one are actually whale suits with a dude inside.
As you progress through the main exhibit with the eighty hundred billion gallon tank, things go like this: "neato", "oohh", "cool", and "Holy sweet baby Jesus in a car seat."
And that's not even the best part. I won't ruin the surprise.
Oddly, I found jellyfish to be more interesting than I expected. Plus I took this killer picture. I don't know how they made the water so blue, but the picture doesn't do it justice. It's a mind numbing bright blue that makes your eyelids sweat.
Seeing a species of fish that was named after a condiment made us both hungry, so we left the aquarium and went out for sushi.
The End.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 4:14 PM |
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10 Comments:
okay so LOVE LOVE LOVE the pictures cause pictures are like you're really there but dude you tell us about the giant octopus but no pictures? sad sad sad... so looks like a pretty cool place... if you went to a sushi place that was like next door i'd be a little iffy though...
Sniffable
dunderfunk.
dunderfunk.
btw I think the tone of Dusty's comments has gone down somewhat since last I stopped by.
Dusty, the picture of the Skirt is lovely. So lovely thet cynical folk might think you've taken a cardboard cut-out of a model, and used that to try and fool the internet. Someone up there must love you, penguin boy!
**Cassandra
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