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Boy Scout Earns "Social Disease" Merit Badge
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3/28/2006
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This just in- Stupid people everywhere are outraged at a ruling that gives Florida teacher Debra Lafave no prison time for having sex with a 14 year old student, claiming that had it been a male teacher and female student, there would be some serious years being served.
This makes perfect sense to me and I'm not at all upset that she only got house arrest. I'll explain why:
Exhibit a) Hot=Crazy:
When I was 14, my teachers looked like this-
Holidaysweaterfetish.com is the only porn site that does not exist, and that is because the festive vests have never been any part of a sexual fantasy by anyone anywhere, nor have the people who wear them. I looked at my teachers the same way a high school cheerleader looks at me today- human, but barely.
This kid's teacher looks like this-
Not perfect, but a solid 8.5, and holy crap at age 14 she would have filled the spank bank with naughty bath time fun. She qualifies as hot, and Universal Truth #9 states that she is therefore as crazy as a craphouse rat. If you are a hot girl who isn't crazy: you either aren't as hot as you think you are, or a hell of a lot crazier.
Does anyone think she could not have gone to any bar in Florida and walked out with a dude or two? Does anyone think that she was looking for the kind of security that only a teenager's $5 per hour job at the pet store could provide? Was she doing it to make her rich, good looking husband feel jealous? Okay, I guess you would get a little crap from your friends if your wife left you for a boy scout, but that's not the point.
When an attractive young woman decides to risk her career and her marriage to nail a kid, she is doing it because she is nuts. When a man decides to do the same thing, he is doing it because he is a perverted dangerous fuck. When is the last time you heard of a woman going to playgrounds and serially raping boys? Never? Never ever? This chick did something illegal and should be punished, but she's wacko, not predatory. It's probably good that the kid learns the hot/crazy ratio early.
Exhibit b) 14 year old boys are horny. 14 year old girls, not so much.
When I was fourteen I got an erection that didn't go away until three weeks ago. At that age I and all of my friends were complete hounds, passing around the same ratty 1983 copy of playboy, consumed by the thought of someday having actual sex with a girl who didn't have staples across her legs. Had we even thought of the possibility that Mrs. Lafave wanted to take one of us home for spawning practice, we would have trampled each other to death trying to get into her car.
Now turn that around- A 14 year old girl finds out that history teacher Mr. Gakington wants to do the bonedance with her. I wouldn't expect any enthusiasm unless she spent most of her youth making out with her father. If girls were horny when I was 14, they did a magnificent job of hiding it from me. They still do, come to think of it.
It could be argued that this experience will cause an emotional scar in the boy that will manifest itself in hypersexuality as he gets older, making him completely indistinguishable from every other male between the ages of 13 and 27 ½. Oh the horror.
It could also be argued (by a retarded person) that Lafave manipulated the poor child into having sex with her. Ignoring the fact that it would take about as much manipulation to get a 14 year old boy to nail a hot teacher as it would take to get me to draw my next breath, if it is a crime for attractive women to manipulate dudes, you are all going to superjail forever.
If any harm was done here, it was done by the media whores who were so enthralled by the fact that someone who was pretty and white was involved in something bad. Is that a racist and untrue statement? I have one word for you-
Scottpetersonrunawaybridenataliehollowayandreayateselizabethsmartmichaeljackson
susansmithcarliebruschianeilentwistlejonbenetramseykarabethbordennancykerrigan
marykayletourneauyougetthepoint
Okay, Michael Jackson isn't pretty, but you understand- either white people are entirely more depraved than any other race, or a Japanese guy eating his own child's face isn't newsworthy. The kid in this case stands to become more messed up by being followed around by a bunch of douchebags (until he is old enough to legally harass) than by drilling his teacher.
So yes, I suppose you can call it a double standard, but it makes sense to me. Besides, if she understood that a woman's place is in the home in the first place, none of this ever would have happened.
Yes, I'm kidding, but only about that last sentence.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 3:27 PM |
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11 Comments:
Just wish she was like this teacher here. Then I KNOW I woulda paid attention in class. Hehe. :)
unfortunately, all of my teachers were pretty hideous and smelled of mothballs and expired baby powder.
dunderfunk.
Props for research! Google had this to say:
Sorry, no information is available for the URL Holidaysweaterfetish.com
I'm in Texas (hey, stop laughing) and I e-mailed my buddy in California the link to your UPS letter on porktornado. His exact words: "new dusty? i got the notice on my phone this morning" o_O
thanks for the many laughs over the years!
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