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LOST
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4/18/2006
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Now that the second season of LOST is almost over, let me catch you up- LOST is a lot like 24- devastatingly addictive programming as long as you don't think about it too much.
It all began when a plane crashed on an island somewhere in an ocean. The tail section snapped off at altitude (probably 36,000 feet, almost no oxygen, temperature of about fifty below zero, moving at 500 miles per hour), so naturally there were dozens of survivors.
I don't remember the name of the airline, so I'll call it "Megastud and Underwear Model Airways", as the aircraft was completely filled with gorgeous people just like you see every time you board a plane. In a feeble attempt at realism they threw in the guy who sits next to me every time I travel- a 350 pound mouth-breather who is allergic to soap. Luckily he is pretty funny on the show, but here we are 50 days into it and he hasn't LOST any weight.
There is a Doctor with daddy issues who everybody sees as the leader and a rugged leathery outdoorsman who can hypnotize a wild boar using the sound of one hand clapping. A sassy brunette with a federal warrant, an innocent blonde, a rock star heroin addict with a sensitive ineffectual side, a spoiled bitch who fortunately gets shot in the face and dies as if in answer to my prayers, an exotic chick who used to be a cop (but looks like the kind of "cop" that shows up at bachelor parties), a rugged, devil may care rebel dude who just can't be tamed, and so on. Every conceivable lust is covered. At least the legal ones.
The cast isn't terribly believable, but it is television, so I'll let that part slide.
For the male survivors of the crash, a side effect of having hit the ground at 9000 miles per hour was that their beards stopped growing just when they got long enough to be sexy. As for the women, their makeup became permanent and their scalps now exude a shampoo/conditioner combination that always keeps their hair looking and feeling its best. Now they are starting to lose me.
Now let's throw in a monster that haunts the island and makes noise and knocks over trees. That's right. Something out there is seriously fucking up the vegetation every couple of days and they don't know what it is. Like the geniuses you'd expect them to be, they wander out in the jungle and run afoul of a couple of polar bears- poorly rendered polar bears with a taste for the displaced. For all of the excitement surrounding the special effects used in this series, I have seen more realistic polar bears in pop-up books.
Soon enough the writers dropped the polar bears and turned the monster into a cloud of black smoke instead. The survivors also found an immense underground bunker where they have to enter a series of numbers into a computer every two hours or else nothing will happen. There is also a group of other people (creatively named the "others") who have been on the island for forty years and have some kind of cult thing going on. Oh and by the way, there are all kinds of budding love stories happening here and there, and yes, they are just as irrelevant and annoying as the love interests in 24.
If you are being chased through the jungle by a monster made of smoke and ill will, I don't really care if last night meant anything to you. I still won't care tomorrow, so don't waste a whole episode trying to make me understand your strained relationship. You are actually stranded on an island, so logic dictates that everybody gets laid. Then again, nobody on the island has brushed their teeth in two months so there's not going to be much tongue wrestling going on. Plus, in an environment where you are always wet, can you imagine the condition your private junk would be in? Trenchtaint, anyone?
In the last few episodes, some characters have found Jesus, others have found random horses and children, and at least three have found a planeload of heroin packed inside statues of the Virgin Mary. I'm waiting for Jack Bauer and Tony Soprano to arrive on a raft and join the island of unwanted plot twists.
I know everybody thinks that all of these bizarre events are going to somehow morph into a satisfying conclusion, but just once I would like to see one of these series end with something absurdly anti-climactic. Like one day the Korean broad decides to walk down the beach past the next rocky outcrop and finds a resort hotel with tourists and a cruise ship. Roll credits. Or maybe in the middle of the season about ten minutes in to an episode a plane flies over and they all get rescued and go home, leaving all of the subplots agonizingly unexplored and forgotten. The final screen would be the word LOSER flying slowly toward the viewer. It would serve us right for watching it.
Yes, as completely moronic as I know it all is, I watch that show like my life depends on it. While every fiber of my being screams that it is ridiculous, I sit glued to the television, just dying to know who the "others" are and how they are being billed for their electricity.
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 11:24 AM |
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13 Comments:
my cousins and my best friends love lost but i could never get into it... i tried and got slightly interested when i saw the dude from alias but no cigar there...
Exciting, but unlikely. And yet I still watch...
How much better would this movie be if the island was instead inhabited by mobsters?
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