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Salami World Tour 2006
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8/29/2006
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In case you haven’t seen my Myspace page due to the tens of hits it gets per week, here is a screenshot of it:
If you hit "refresh", you go to the best page of all-
By the way, please eat my ass if you think I am always on Myspace. I haven't figured out how to turn off the little orange guy, and I usually forget to log out. I really don't spend all day looking for people who are worse off than I am in an attempt to feel better about myself, nor do I find people who were cooler than I in high school and scream "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?" at their profile until my throat bleeds. Seriously.
Also, if you are under 18, you will be denied no matter how many times you ask. Lie about your age if you want to- that's your problem. I'm not putting my dumb ass on the molester watch list just because you sent me an email. If that guy from Dateline shows up at my house to "ask me a few questions," I'm going to be pissed. I wonder if anyone ever says "Dude, her profile said she was 99. I swear to god."
Okay, no more talk of the space.
It's here again for the first time- World Tour 2006. A two month whirlwind of intense boredom punctuated with moments of abject terror. What follows is my schedule for the next lil' while, as well as a big part of the reason that I couldn't think of anything better to write about. Sure, some of it is for fun, but any kind of traveling requires planning, some degree of stress, and that period at work where you jam a bunch of extra stuff out so you don't get fired while you are gone. Three jobs? Thrice the asspain. For me, at least, this translates roughly to "Not much time or desire to sit down and ponder the hilarity of the week, for I'd rather be sleeping."
This weekend - Michigan State University (go Lemurs), to partake in what I think is big eleven football tailgating with The Skirt and her friends. I would call them "our" friends, but I don't know that they would claim me after all they have seen, heard, and read. I didn't do much tailgating when I was in college and see even less need for it now, but I have heard there will be beer there.
Sept 8-15 – Los Angeles, California for a tradeshow for Job #2. I was cruelly tricked into coordinating events in addition to my creative/graphic duties, and now I understand exactly why event management is very low on my list of dream jobs. The only ones lower are Assistant Laxative Tester and Suicide Bomber.
Sept 15-17 – Going somewhere in the mountains with my dad, my brother, and a fly rod. Fish may not be slain, but they will be startled and possibly called "bitches."
Sept 25-Oct 6 – O'ahu, Hawai'i for a vaycay with The Skirt. Primarily because the cities and states I visit do not have nearly enough apostrophes in their names, but also because if I don't take some time off from this and everything else, I am going to kill every single one of you. I have started running for exercise (more on that in a few days in an upcoming *gasp* Pork Tornado blog), and The Skirt has talked me into running a 5k in Waikiki while we are there. Running a race while I am on vacation is proof that running makes you insane.
October 11 – My birthday. Only one more year and I'll be legal to run for President, so pack your bags now if you don't believe in personal responsibility, because there won't be room for you in my America. As for travel, I don't know where I am going, but I am sure my friends have plans to take me Kudu hunting on the Serengeti or fly fishing in New Zealand or something.
Oct 14-19 – London, England to "manage" another tradeshow. Dear sweet tender baby Jesus in a carry on, I will be glad when tradeshow season is over. Oh, Wait. Spring is tradeshow season again. I'm so excited I could just staple my nuts to a passing bus. I honestly can't understand why someone would choose this profession.
After that, it looks like I am home for a while to get down to the order of the day, which would be writing and drawing. In the meantime, thank god for Myspace, huh?! LOFMAL! ROL! P*$))
 Dusty
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posted by Dusty at 5:01 PM |
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14 Comments:
I've been re-reading your Pork Tornado blogs trying to find the very first one I ever read that made me fall in love with you--or at least laugh until I cried & almost wet myself--& subsequently become hooked. In which one do you describe the various gels/body washes your girlfriend had in her shower, including one that smelled like "rainbow farts"?
Good luck with all your travels!
Dusty, take the helicopter tour when you get to the islands. very cool. a lot of fun. just don't go on a windy day.
Sniffable
Startle - Stah-er-tul, verb. To scream "SHITASSCUNT!", throw down your fishing rod, catch the little fucker with your cast net, and then fling it violently back into the water with a "Hah! Bitch! Caught yah dinna I!"
Have fun on vaca. Drinks lots on tradeshow.
dunderfunk.
Tough Out.
You're welcome.
Now how do I find the time to add you to my favorite list then read.
sigh. so many blogs, such little time.
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